Tales on Orochimaru's tongue and trauma
by blue leafy
Summary: 1Drabble: Having a long tongue is not all that good even if it is the strongest muscle in the body. 2Story: When Orochimaru was young, something happened to him that made him who he was todaywithout a pathner.


**Title: The disadvantages of a long tongue**

**Disclaimer: Naruto is not mine. **

**Word count: 127**

**Authors note: Written for challenge in naruto100 on "theater" with bonus for mentions of Akamaru and crack pairings.**

**This was written because the first drabble (below this drabble) I wrote for the challenge was long for a drabble. **

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Raucous laughter rang beside his ear and he could see why. The movie which Kiba and he was watching was indeed very hilarious. In fact, he, the usually stoic one, was inclined to laugh but had held it in because it would be strange of him and would make his teammate stare. As Akamaru shared its amusement with his master in its own barking way, the bugs in Shino's body buzzed restlessly, surprised at their master's rare state of delight. One adventurous bug flew out of Shino's body to find out the reason for said feeling but the gritty sight of a pale ebony-haired fellow with an incredibly long tongue (Orochimaru or futuristic Sasuke?), which was tied in a knot and tangled on trees, was of no help in its cause.

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**Title: Orochimaru and his fictional facts**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto**

**Warnings: Insane humour and ooc or out-of-character**

**Word count: 683 words**

**Author's note: Written for challenge in naruto100 on "theater" with bonus for mentions of Akamaru and crack pairings.**

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It was dark, all drape and gloomy, terribly typical of the theatres in Sound village. Why was Orochimaru here-oh yes-Jiraiya's debut in the movie industry with his Itcha Itcha Paradise novel being made into a movie and being an ex-male associate, he was to share the joy.

What seem ridiculous to Orochimaru was that even though he had betrayed the village, attempted to destroy it, killed their team instructor and turned one of their most prospecting ninja-Sasuke-to the dark side, he was still sent the roll of film which was instructed to be played in a theatre because it does good things to the mood. He was expected to watch it, of course, and, quoting the line in the letter that came with the film, "Get in touch with the sexual part of life or be stuck as a virgin in every aspect." as "The least you could do is dirty your eyes and get horny for just once."

Unfortunately, no matter how much he tried to convince himself otherwise, a tiny part hidden somewhere in the depths of his heart actually agreed to the statement.

Orochimaru is evil and has performed almost every single evil act that can be thought of except for anything remotely sexual because…he was shy and extremely clueless about such matters. (And if you tell this to anybody, he would kidnap you and the person who you told and throw you to Sasuke to act as training dummies)

Hey, it is generally expected of people who obsess over getting powerful and immortality all their life instead of focusing on frivolous things like those that Jiraiya liked.

Still, it never hurts to sate the tiny unsatisfied part in his heart. Besides, his schedule was not demanding right then.

Thus the opening credits roll, with Jiraiya's magnified name and face (to which Orochimaru sniffed in disdain) on the screen before the title of the movie flashed and signal the start of the movie. Along the scenes of heaving female bosoms, he distinctively felt himself turn green as the instinct to puke surfaces and increases…Then he remembered the reason of him never experiencing the acts of sexual passions other than the fact that he was concentrating on getting powerful and the works.

When Orochimaru was really really young, he had once been accidentally flung into the girl's side of the hot spring. (There was a fight at the male's side and he was caught in the explosion that evolved because the participants of the fight happened to be explosives specialists)

Now, you would think that a young boy would be let off the hook for seeing naked women but he had traumatized a young girl with his …extra plumbing, which led to the outrage of her older sisters (apparently genjutsu specialists), resulting in him getting trapped in some (1)genjutsu casting images of naked women doing horrible and painful things to him (There are unreasonable and overprotective women in the world, he had decided. Hey, they could not even spare a child.), which has traumatized him for life, leading to his condition of feeling ill whenever he saw a naked women.

This condition was also partly the reason that got him the boot from the Akatsuki, though he prefers to say that he quitted. First off, they do not like members who have that sort of silly but major weakness. Secondly, he tried to come on Itachi because Itachi was girly looking enough and befitting of his first time (with no female assets). Alas, he had not considered the fact that Itachi, while more girly-looking than him, is indeed more powerful and would not hesitate to kill fellow members if harassed. The organization, deciding that Orochimaru was more of a nuisance than good, for they find it tiring to keep Itachi off Orochimaru (They curse their no-members-harming-each-other policy), kicked him out.

Anyway, back to the theatre, we can now see a pile of fetid acidic mush on the floor. However, as the ending song plays, accompanied by a hula-dancing dog that looks suspiciously like Akamaru, what cannot be seen was the movie-viewer.

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genjutsu: illusion jutsu

**How this fiction is spurned: I just wanted to write Orochimaru and his reaction to the Itcha Itcha Paradise movie and in actuality, not his reaction to girls but…**

**Anyway, read and review please**


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